Why such a short time??

Lord, I thank you for carrying me towards the top again. But, I know it's not going to last very long. Why do you do this? You give me an up, then in no time, I'm right back at the very bottom. It's hard to see the beauty all around me and the good things going on through the pain I endure at the bottom. I see it when I'm working my way back up and at the very top, but it's extremely hard to admire you when I'm down. Those downs are getting lower and lower. What have I done to deserve this? I know I lead a sinful life, but I try my hardest to live everyday for you and in you. Why do you punish me like this? Haven't I gone through this enough? Why not give me one down, instead of sliding all the way to rock bottom? I want to be close to you, Lord. I can't, though, when there's hurt and pain distracting me and holding me down. All I want to do is live for you. Give absolutely everything to you. I'm trying to see you through the bad. Lord, I need you more than anything. I want to offer up everything I have to you. But, I don't want to cut you short. You don't deserve for me to raise us sorrow and pain. You deserve happiness and joy for the works that you do. I just want to be happy, so I can help those around me. I just want to be happy, so I can show others you through me. I want to be at a steady place, so you can use me. Lord, it's difficult to grow in you when all this happens, when I know it's all going to crash again. But, I thank you for the short time I have where everything is okay.