When it all started

Up until I was 13, life was great. I didn't have a care in the world, and I had the most amazing boyfriend who I loved with all my heart. But, the day I turned 13, everything ended up going downhill. The day itself was pretty fun; my friends threw me a surprise party. Earlier on, issues where developing in Jason and my relationship. I thought the problems would go away on their own. A month later, we ended up going on a youth trip. A day after we got there, on Saturday night, it was his birthday. I ran his present out to him, and received only a "thanks". I didn't expect much, though. I also thought maybe his present would tell him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. He didn't see it that way. The next day, we were in the elevator going down to lunch & he gave me back my school picture. That was his way of saying "we're over". It broke my heart. Life had gone from amazing to absolutely terrible. Not only did I not have him, I lost many of my friends, too, because they were friends with him. I had heard from my friends that they had cut, so I tried it. It became my new way of coping with things. On top of that, my parents and I were fighting every night, sometimes more than once. I pretty much had enough of life. I hit rock bottom & became depressed. I ended up cutting everyday; to me, it felt amazing. All my hurt & pain went into that. My parents ended up finding out, and they sent me to a counselor. That just made things worse. I never ended up going back, but continued to cut. The cutting continued to the winter of 9th grade, although it wasn't nearly as often as it was before. Only once or twice a month, every few months. I ended up getting over Jason during my freshman year. Things gradually started getting better. I had a million and one friends, I had new crushes. It seemed as though things were perfect... just in my outside life, though. In my house, my parents and I still continued to fight and scream back and forth every night. I tried many times before to run away. And, I had also thought, just thought, what would happen if I killed myself? No one would care, not even my own parents and everything would be over. To add to my parents and I not getting along, things in my youth group were going down the drain, the one place I could get away from all the fighting. I quit going to youth events and church all together. Months later, we found a new youth pastor. He moved here and gradually took over. I started going to youth group events again. I realized I never truly made the decision to accept Him. After a month of Mike teaching in youth group, I made a decision. On July 20, the day before the senior high was leaving for CIY, I talked to Mike and accepted Christ. The next day, we left for a week of God. That week was the best week of my whole summer. I grew in Him, I learned, I prayed, I worshiped Him, it was just amazing!!!! When we came home, Mike told us he was going to baptize me and Jamen on August 10. I went home and told my mom I had accepted Christ & gave her a letter I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to write telling her I really did love her and I needed her in my life & I was done fighting with her, but the reaction I got from her wasn't the one I expected to get. I felt rejected. So, I was too afraid to tell my dad, in fear I'd get the same from him. Mike told him for me. The week before the day I was supposed to talk in church and get baptized, my parents and I fought more than ever. They were being irrational about everything and started questioning my relationship with Christ. That was the roughest week I'd gone through in a long time. We fought at least 5 times a day for a whole week. They took away me getting baptized & speaking in church many times, the two things I was looking forward to more than anything. The morning of my big day, I talked in church at both services. I went home between church and the baptism. I was super excited to finally be with my God, the one who turned my life around 180 degrees, and all I wanted to do was make it offical. Once again, my parents questioned my relationship, which they had no right to do in the first place. They called me into their room and told me I wasn't mature enough and they didn't want me to get baptized because they didn't think anything was true. I had had enough and broke. We screamed back and forth for hours, ending with all of us crying. I was done fighting with my parents and them not accepting my decision. I called Abby, and she helped me understand that God made this happen because He wants my parents and I to form a relationship so they can be there when I get baptized, so I can get baptized with a solid family instead of one who fights constantly. I went back inside my house, and talked to my dad. We worked things out, but my mom and I were still hating each other. I went to youth group, and came home... but to a mom who was totally different, one who for once in my life, showed me love and compassion. Things at home started getting much much better. I was happier; I had my God, my parents, my friends, my sister, everything. The emptyness I had when I was cutting went away. Up until a week or so ago, my life had no problems. Just Christian things, like God using me for Him and His work. A week ago, I learned my mom lost her job. Also, we were really bad off, finanially, and we might have to give up our birds. I might have also lost the little girl I sponser. I thought my world was crashing again. But I turned to God. He had my back and I put all my faith in Him. I prayed every night. I prayed my mom would find a job, I prayed I would be able to find a job to support Joyce, I prayed we wouldn't have to give up our birds. God answered a few days after. He gave me a job. He let us keep the birds. I keep praying He gives my mom a job, but I just have to have faith in Him, because I know what He's doing is what's best for all of us. I continue to grow and mature in my faith each and everyday. But, when I look back at the past 3 years, there has been a lot of ups and downs.. because I didn't have God. If I had Him, things would have been easier to get through. I look back at the past 2 months and see that God has helped change my life from a living hell to a life I'm happy living. I still have minor problems, but I get through them with God. I put 100% of my faith in Him and I get through things. That's the only way to live my life truly happy. He has blessed me so much in the last 2 months, just thinking about it makes me want to cry. The only way I can thank Him is to live my life for Him and offer myself up for His use. I love my God more than anything and my number one goal is to live for Him and in Him. (: