Around and around it goes.... but good always comes of the bad

It's making it's rounds again. When every thing's fine and dandy and seemingly perfect, everything crashes. I think "this is the worst I've ever felt.", but by the many scars on my arms and thighs, I'm reminded I was there many times before. Sure, things were a lot worse then, but I felt the exact same: at the lowest of lows, giving up, nowhere else to go, no one who cared. There's one thing that's different then the other times, though. I have God with me. It does make a difference, yes, but sometimes it seems as though I'm a million miles away from Him. I get weighed down with the pain, the frustration, and the exhaustion that it's hard to get back to Him. And, because I'm held down, I add to those. But, besides looking down and seeing all the pain I've suffered before, I see how many times God has helped me, even when I hadn't accepted Him yet. He puts me through hell and I make a stupid mistake over and over again. But, there's always good that comes of the bad, right? Yes, and realizing how many times God had gotten me through things is what comes of those scars. However, I know eventually, I need to stop, which will be hard, but perhaps that's what's holding me back from being with my God. The God who has made this happen over and over again, giving me chances to change what I do as a result.
My best friend Monica read this poem to me once when I had hit rock bottom. It helped me and reassured me that God was there.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you.”

A lot of the times when I can't get any lower than I already am, I question God. Why He isn't there, why He doesn't help. But, every time, I think back to this poem, and He was there. I just looked at the bad that was going on instead of trusting God and seeing that He was not only right next to me, but carrying me through it.