Fearfully Trusting

I don't want this break to end. I've learned who's there and who isn't, who I truly trust and who I don't, and who I need and who I can go without.

Lately, I've been struggling with my past and my present. They're becoming intertwined, things from my past are getting mixed up in my present. My repressed thoughts are surfacing. I'm realizing them, but I don't feel anything when I they come up. I have the feelings later, but they aren't associated with the memories.

Growing up, I was somewhat neglected and definitely ripped of the love and nurturing every child should get from their parents. As a result, I'm afraid to allow people to get close to me in fear they're eventually going to hurt me. It seems to happen 98% of the time. But there are two people who I have fearfully taken into my life during this break. Brittany Johnson and Nicole Brassea are the two, the only two, who I truly truly trust, love, and need. They are the only ones who I don't hide things from. They understand me, they love me, they help me, they won't give up on me, they're becoming my best friends. They give me what nobody else does. I have never trusted someone as much as I trust them. I tell them everything, whether I'm ashamed of it or not. They can make me feel a million times better when every thing's going wrong. Brittany let's me call her at 2 in the morning crying and doesn't care if I wake her up. Nicole calls me at midnight seeing if every thing's okay and if I need to talk things out. They go out of their way for me. These two girls keep me going every day. I never thought I'd find someone who understands me or someone who loves me despite everything or someone who I don't have to hide things from, but I finally have found two amazing people, two amazing friends, that I can be my whole self around. And I thank God every day and every night and every moment I'm with them, for placing them in my life.