Psych Mask: Portraying Myself

In Psych, we have to paint masks portraying ourselves, not our likes and dislikes, but ourselves. It took me literally 3-4 weeks to come up with my ideas of how I was going to do my mask. But, man, doing this brings up a lot of feelings that I always push aside. On the inside of my mask, I have it painted yellow for the happiness I do have, but it's not true happiness. Then, I have a portion of it black representing the feelings of rejection and abandonment I feel from both sets of parents. I have a dotted line from that black spot to an "X marks the spot" for my long journey to true happiness. People say I have a big heart, so I drew a big heart on the right side of it. Most of it's red, standing for my love and compassion for others and how I always put them first. There's a very small portion that's pink which represents the love for myself. Then above the heart, there is a an area that has a bunch of colors standing for different feelings, like anger, hurt, sorrow. That represents how I bottle everything up. Thinking up the inside really stirred my emotions. All those things I tried to push aside came back. Thinking about the abandonment and rejection, thinking about how angry I am with myself and how I hate myself. It's all quite overwhelming.
The front was just kind of something I thought of. Different people see different sides of me. So, the front of my mask has 9 different colors representing the different groups of people who see a different side of me. But, in the middle, right down the center, there's a bold stripe. The stripe stands for the small amount of people who see the "real" me. But, it also represents the wall I put up to protect myself from getting hurt by anyone else like I have in the past.
This project really made me reflect. And taking about disorders in class was a little uncomfortable. To think I have a disorder. I don't like to think that way. I like to think it's a state I'm in. But, many things say otherwise. Mr. Holden said that 30 years ago, seeing a "shrink" wasn't normal. People would think you were insane or extremely sick. But, nowadays, it's okay. People realize they have a problem and what to try to overcome it as much as they can so they can live with happiness in their lives.
I have a disorder, and I want to be happy.