Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Drowning In My Past

Things are not bad at all. Life's great with the exception of the death of my friend's mom. But other than that, everything is amazing! I can't complain with the way life's going. But me, myself, is not great. My mind set hasn't changed.I accepted Christ, and I was truly changed. I felt it in the way I acted and the things I thought. But, why am I thinking this way again? I feel the closest to God now more than any other time in my life. But, I have those thoughts. I don't feel far from Him, or like I'm straying, at all. I'm just drowning in my past. I can see God all around me, but there's a cloud of my past surrounding me that I can't get away from. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm not lost, but I'm stuck.

And on top of trying to figure out what the heck is going on, I finally got to see my brother today. But, it sucked. He's a totally different person. It seemed as though he didn't love me anymore, and didn't care at all about me. It hurt a ton. I can't even describe it. I was sitting right behind him trying to hold back tears. But, he didn't even acknowledge I was there.

No comments: