Not Fair

I never miss school. Ever. I've missed two days in the past 5 years. But today I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't sit through 6 hours of school, 2 hours of practice, and 4 hours of work while fighting back tears. I just couldn't.

I wrote before that I so fearfully allowed three people to come into my life. Now, I wonder why. Why was I so stupid? I knew it all would end the same. Why did I let myself believe this case would be any different? I've been hurt by so many people, I should've known. I should've known better than to let anyone get close to me. I should've known better than to open up. I should've known better than to trust. I should've known!!!!! It happens every time! I continually set myself up thinking maybe this is the one person I can trust, but they just end up leaving. I've had it with that! I've had it with everything! The feelings, the thoughts, the hurt! From now on, no one is going to get close to me. I'm not going to let them. I'm not going to let myself open up. I can't allow myself to get hurt. I'm protecting myself. And, I can't allow my friendship with someone move any further. Actually, it's better to drop it completely than let it stay where it's at. It's just going to be a daily reminder of the hurt.

I've had it with people leaving. I'm so tired and exhausted and I can't take it anymore.